Multi-Contextual Relationships, Identity & Belonging
A sugar-cube about the relational aspect of life, by Melissa Abecassis. Relationship therapist, mediator and facilitator
In a changing and complex world, What does identity mean to you?
A question I found myself exploring in a warehouse on the outskirts of Stockholm. We are there as part of a Warm-data Lab, a social tool for complex conversations, developed by the wonderful Nora Bateson & The Bateson Institute.
Nora, who introduces the evening talks about multi - contextual relationships, and how we as humans are trans-contextual beings. Multi-contextual refers to how something exists in many different settings.
In this case, the something is us (you or me) and the settings are the various relationships and multiple systems we are part of. ( a system in this context is a group that you are part of - a relationship, a family, a company, a community, a country, a religon… you get the gist).
We, (our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual selves), exists in multiple ways and is affected differently in each relationship and each system constellation. They each contribute to our lives in different ways, not always in a positive light. They each bring out our qualities or our pitfalls. We are not always the same and perhaps this is healthy, we also need to feel ourselves in different ways. The quote by Anais Nin captures this notion beautifully.
So, In a changing and complex world, What does identity mean to you?
Standing around a candle at the bar table with strangers, I found myself celebrating words that made up my identify, they support me in finding spaces of belonging. Because, I don’t only have one identity.
Below, I mention the word inbetweener - these are people who live between cultures, nations, languages, race, identity — people who know the experience of feeling at home in many places yet often missing belonging. Does it resonate?
Naming our multiple identities can support us in finding the places we feel belonging.
I identify as a dancer = I hold dance meditation classes monthly in Stockholm (details below) and am part of dance communities.
I also identify an an ‘Inbetweener’ = Invest time in relationships with other inbetweeners.
I identify as a creative = Co-work in a creative collective called Blivande House.
I identify as a therapist = join a clinic with other therapists (details coming soon)
What do you identify as?
✨Top Tips ✨
Resources
Book: Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home - by Toko pa turner
Book and Teacher: Compassionate Conversations: How to Speak and Listen From the Heart - Diane Hamilton - I highly recommend the work of Diane Hamilton
Podcast: Where shall we begin by Esther Perel
Movie: Aware- glimpses of consciousness - I was invited by the psychedelic society in Sweden to speak on a panel after the screening. The movie was wonderful and so was the panel
Practices & Rituals
To explore our relationship with self, others and context
Core quadrant - a great tool to get to know yourself and others better. Identify what your strengths and your pitfalls, discover why certain things drive you crazy. Also available as a game! I highly recommend this to gain insight and deepen your relationships.
Daily Temperature Check - This a great communication tool for people in ongoing relationships. I use this a lot with couples as well as with colleagues and sometimes even with teams.
My Work
New Podcast: Relational Sensitivity, musing on the relational aspects of life with the wonderful Laura Gottlieb
Intro Sessions: for individual coaching/therapy
Couples & Other Relationship Therapy: I’m completing an advanced training in Psychosynthesis Relationship Therapy at Humanova in Stockholm and have started taking on couples and other relationships. I’m loving this work and so touched to work with couples. Some of my peers are still looking for practice clients so feel free to get in-touch, you get 5 sessions for 600kr
Instagram! - I’ve been posting more about my work and relationships - I’d love your feedback, questions or suggestions of what would be helpful to you.
In Stockholm
Dance Meditation Class - In Stockholm, next one tomorrow 17th November
Conversations about: Psychedelia and personal development with Henrik Johanson
Coming soon!
Conversations about: A relationship for life - a program to master our inner world
Prisms: A leadership Pilot that is more like a gym for leaders of the future.
Next Episode on Relational Sensitivity - we talk participatory intimacy with…. 🙃
New clinic - first time in 3 years I’ll be taking on clients face to face!
Until next time!